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The Groom’s Best Friend

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By Avi Frier - FJN Publisher

There are many instances in which our relationship to God is compared to the relationship between a bride and groom. The upcoming dual holiday of Shemini Atzeret/Simchat Torah is one such example. As we dance with the Torah, it is compared to the wedding celebration; when we are each called up to the Torah, we essentially renew our vows with God.

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But years ago, I heard a different wedding parable for this holiday. Regarding Shemini Atzeret/Simchat Torah, Rabbi Yaakov Fogelman of Jerusalem’s Torah Outreach Program compares our relationship to God with the relationship between a groom and his best friends.

You can always pick out the groom’s closest friends at a traditional Jewish wedding. They get to the hall before any of the non-family guests, and stay by the groom’s side, catering to his every need. With joy in their hearts, they dance the groom to the bedeken, and back out again. They snack at the shmorg, but make sure they get into the hall in time to get a seat on the aisle, so they can be the first to get up and dance after the glass is stepped on. Then a quick salad and a drink or two so they’ll have the energy to dance every dance set, not wasting a single moment of potential heartfelt celebration.

While others may head for the door after the main course (why waste a such a nice plate of prime rib?) the closest friends are generally the last to leave. And the joy they feel as they depart their best friend’s wedding carries them well into the next day.

God’s closest friends treat Him in a similar manner.

We began with Rosh Hashanah, which this year was attached to Shabbat, giving us three solid days of feasting. We bared our souls on Yom Kippur, and just a few days later the feasting continued with Sukkot (another three-day marathon). After a short Chol HaMoed respite, the feasting will now continue for another three days.

Like the groom’s best friends, we strive to remain on the dance floor until the band packs up and goes home. It requires energy and perseverance, but it is an opportunity God gives us to show him our love.

Now, imagine for a moment a slightly different scene. Imagine that one of the groom’s best friends, in an effort to enhance the celebration, has a few too many drinks at the bar during the shmorg. Then a few more while he awaits the first dance set. By the time he raises his champagne glass during the main course, he’s completely wasted.

In his drunken stupor, he manages to offend three of the bride’s family members, injure the groom’s cousin on the dance floor, throw up on the catering hall’s brand new carpet, and pass out cold in the middle of Birkat Hamazon. But not before he fetched countless drinks from the bar for the two teenagers at his table who were too young to get their own liquor.

While his intentions may have been to celebrate his best friend’s nuptials, he selfishly forgot that the celebration is all about the bride and groom, and not about his own personal desire for enjoyment and intoxication.

The groom might never forgive his ex-best friend for such behavior. And rightly so.

But is that really all that different than the way some of us "celebrate" Simchat Torah?

I’m not saying we should all become Nazarites. In truth, I’ve found that a few shots of some good single malt, served and consumed responsibly, can enhance almost any celebration.

God gave us wine to enhance our celebrations. The blessing over the wine marks the beginning of our Shabbat and holiday feasts, the wedding ceremony, and a circumcision. If He didn’t want us to drink, Kiddush would not be a part of our Jewish routine.

Similarly, although the bride’s father paid for that open bar, he is not to blame for the groom’s friend’s unruly behavior. The bar is there to enhance the simcha, not to detract from it by abusing alcohol.

In a letter to rabbis and presidents of OU synagogues across North America, with the intention that the letter be shared with parents and teachers, OU leaders stated:

"No one should overindulge in alcohol on Simchat Torah, as it is not conducive to the spirit of the day. Adults should be careful that their celebrations do not go counter to the appropriate decorum of our synagogues. But when it comes to our youth, we must be extra zealous, for additional matters of safety and law."

Bravo to the OU for making this statement. This Simchat Torah, let’s celebrate with all our heart and soul, but without forgetting who the celebration is all about.

It’s not about us. It’s about our Best Friend.


Posted by Avi Frier - FJN Publisher on 10/03 at 04:06 PM • Hits: 148



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